I’m not even sure how to begin. The word ‘anxious’ barely covers the emotions I have felt this month. April has always been a happy period in my life as my birthday falls on this month.  In my last post, I felt like things were finally looking up in my life. I could have never guessed that the glimpse of sunshine would move out so drastically and be replaced by pitch darkness.

A part of me wasn’t even sure how to write this out. But I felt the need to write something because I often find it therapeutic to write in times of stress. Moreover, I felt it was important to document my PhD journey despite the recent changes in my personal situation. I’ve had to take some time off to attend a family emergency. It has been really tough because family has always been my number one.

For the first week, I had to disconnect from everything in order to cope. I am a huge task planner so I felt very miserable when I didn’t know what was going to happen tomorrow or the day after. All my plans had become non-existent. Then I realised that I needed to pick up things from where I left off. I knew that I wasn’t going to make great progress because I’m not in the same mindset I used to be. But I knew that I am better off making an attempt rather than not trying at all. To be honest, I am still struggling but I am trying to normalise my routine to what it used to be. I have started to work flexible hours, communicate with others and appear somewhat active on social media.

In other news, I’ve had my ‘gestation paper‘ accepted for publication. It was probably my happiest moment from April that came out of my PhD. But I’ve also had a paper rejected which probably makes it even. My current priorities include screening for a review and preparing for upcoming conference presentations.  Of course, there’s so much more that needs to be done but I am taking it one step at a time.

Overall, this month has been incredibly challenging and emotionally exhausting. There were times when I completely broke down and other times when I did my best to remain strong. I have come to learn just how unpredictable life can be, the hard way. So, I am doing my best to be grateful for the present and for the little things in life.

Here are some of my April eats.

Dinner platter with veggie sticks, chicken skewers and tzatziki
Made cacao pancakes for the first time.
Risotto with pearl barley, risoni and mushrooms
Second batch of cacao pancakes
Pineapple fried rice with egg and prawn
First attempt at semolina halwa
Banana pancakes with stacked apples and peanut butter

 

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2 Comments

  1. Stay strong Anika. Things will get better and I wish you all the best with remaining Year of your PhD.

    • admin Reply

      Thank you so much, Raju! I really appreciate it 🙂 hope things are going well on your end!

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